My first pregnancy was a dream. It was natural and mostly smooth, though I did have some minor complications along the way. I felt incredibly fortunate to conceive without struggle, and when my son, Faris, was born in Canada, it was a moment filled with love and anticipation. My husband and I faced those first few weeks of parenting on our own – navigating the unknown, sleep deprived and in awe of the tiny human we were now responsible for. It was an overwhelming, but also deeply bonding and challenging journey
About two years later, I felt ready to try for a second baby. Faris was thriving, and we had built a strong community around us. But what I didn’t know at that time was that my journey would take an unexpected turn.
I struggled with secondary infertility.
I sought help from my family doctor, who referred me to a gynecologist, and from there, the journey began. Feeling the pressure of my age, I tried everything – medications, treatments and endless doctor’s appointments. The cycle of hope and heartbreak was exhausting. My mom had also struggled with secondary infertility, and I carried her story with me, aware of the emotional weight but trying to stay focused on possibilities.
After about a year, we made the decision to move forward with IVF. It was a rollercoaster – highs and lows, injections, appointments, constant waiting. And then, something incredible happened.
IVF worked.
Five years after Faris was born, we got pregnant. Not only did we get pregnant, but we were blessed with identical twin girls. It was a whirlwind of emotions – gratitude, disbelief, and fear. Two babies? Could we handle this? My pregnancy with the twins was high-risk – they called them Baby A and Baby B.
From the very beginning, Baby A and Baby B were monitored closely. Each ultrasound came with a mixture of relief and anxiety, as the doctors watched their growth and development carefully. I tried to stay positive, but deep down, I feared the unknown.
At just 7 months, my baby girls were born prematurely, and our NICU journey began.
The NICU is a world on its own – a place where time slows down and every beeping machine carries a weight you never thought possible. Seeing my tiny babies hooked up to wired and machines, fighting for every breath, was the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It showed me strength that I didn’t even know I had.
Baby A, who was later named Mona, spent three weeks in the NICU before finally coming home. I longed to hold her without barriers, to bring her into the world outside of those hospital walls. But my miracle baby, Baby B – Massa, faced far more challenges. There were moments when we didn’t know if she would make it. There were moments when I sat beside her tiny incubator, praying for another day, another hour, another breath.
For two long months, I juggled the emotions of having a newborn at home, a baby in the NICU, and an energetic 6 year old son to care for. I was constantly torn between two places, never feeling like I was fully present in either. It was a rollercoaster of fear, hope, and exhaustion. But eventually, Massa came home. My Miracle baby. My survivor.
It was the most incredible feeling, one that I will never forget. The day we walked out of the hospital with both our girls was the day I finally felt like I could breathe again. Today, my beautiful twins are 6 years old and thriving, and they bring so much joy and hope to my life.
If you find yourself navigating a NICU stay, I want to offer a bit of advice from the heart:
- Surround yourself with a community – You will need it. Lean on your family, friends or any support system you have. It’s okay to ask for help. Even a simple conversation with someone who understand can make a world of difference. The community around me made a big difference, offering home made meals when I didn’t even ask for them, offering a helping hand when I needed it the most, and lifting me up when I couldn’t lift myself up.
- Celebrate the small victories – Every little milestone, no matter how small, is a reason to rejoice. The first time they breathe without assistance, the first time they gain an ounce of weight – these are the moments that matter. The journey is tough, but those little wins will help keep your hope alive.
- Find your thing – Discover what keeps you happy and mentally grounded. Whether it’s reading, taking a walk, or simply having a quiet moment for yourself, make sure you carve out space for your mental well-being. NICU stays can be emotionally draining, and you need to take care of yourself too.
- Stay positive, but allow yourself to feel – Positivity can be a powerful force, but it’s okay to feel sad, frustrated or even angry. Process your emotions in your own time and remember that it’s part of the healing journey. It’s okay to cry, to feel overwhelmed and to acknowledge that this is hard.
The journey has taught me more than I could ever put into words. It has tested my strength and my resilience. It has shown me that love can carry us through even the darkest moments. It has shown me how much moms silently carry.
If you are in the middle of this journey, know this: You are stronger than you think. You are capable of so much more than you realize. And no matter how hard it gets, there is hope. There is always hope.
If you’re looking for a supportive space filled with encouragement and shared experiences, Madinat Mom is here for you. Connect with other moms who understand, share your story, and find reassurance in knowing that every path to motherhood is unique and valid.
You can watch Hiba’s Full Story on Youtube or you can listen to the audio version through the Podcast Tab on the Madinat Mom Website.
