Why has no one told me that not sleeping, not eating well enough, and carrying the stress and emotional load of motherhood can spark an autoimmune illness?
By the time I had my second child, I was working a full-time job as a homeroom teacher, fueling on tea and pastries all day for energy, because that is what I saw every teacher in the staff room doing anyway. I would arrive home in a bad mood, already exhausted, knowing I would do it all over again the next morning after a night of interrupted sleep, because I was breastfeeding my youngest.
No wonder I had debilitating joint aches. I even had to ask my co-teacher to carry the class books for me. No wonder I had excruciating migraines, the kind that land you in the emergency room because normal painkillers do not work. I also suffered sinus infections, which I thought were causing the migraines. Or maybe not. UTIs were there too.
But I was young. Only 26 years old. You are not supposed to be this wrecked at 26.
Little did I know that all those symptoms were connected and quietly building up to something much bigger.
The Diagnosis I Never Saw Coming
By the time my daughter was weaned, I received an unexpected diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis. Two months later, I developed the butterfly rash, a symptom of another autoimmune illness, systemic lupus. At the time, I did not even understand that these were autoimmune conditions, where your immune system attacks healthy cells in your body.
Nevertheless, it felt like the end of the world as I knew it, for me, my husband, and our two children.
Now I had to remember to take certain medications at certain times of the day or week for the rest of my life. I had to live with chronic pain and still function as if nothing had changed.
But first, let me take you back in time.
The Year Before Everything Fell Apart
For an entire year before my diagnosis, I thought I was having breastfeeding and calcium deficiency-related joint pain. At least that is what every seasoned mom, colleague, and relative said when I told them my arms and hands were hurting.
Until one day, it got really bad. My husband had to dress me and put my shoes on for me because I could not move. It was not just the immobility. The pain was horrendous.
At the hospital, I could not walk because of the pain and stiffness. My joints felt hot glued together. The doctor looked at my hands and said immediately, “You have rheumatoid.”
I heard the words weekly injection, morning pill, and medication after each meal.
That was the moment my life split into before and after.
It felt as if I started watching myself from a distance, like in Interstellar.
That is it? Did I just become the sick woman? Carrying a pouch of medicine everywhere. A prescription pinned to my fridge door.
Back then, I only ate to take my pills. I had zero appetite and a million side effects. Numb face, anyone?
A few months later, I was hospitalized for an acute infection that would not go away, a side effect of immunosuppressant drugs. I believed my body was broken forever and that I would have to rely on medication just to live a normalish life.
This became my new reality.
When I Thought My Body Had Failed Me
All of this made me feel helpless and like a burden to my family. It did not feel like failure, though, because I did not know then that poor diet, lack of sleep, chronic stress, birth control, and living in survival mode could trigger an autoimmune response.
My mom, seeing me like this, started Googling everything. Thankfully, she did. We went to every doctor she found that people recommended.
Then she stumbled into the world of holistic health.
Everything changed.
She sent me videos and articles about healing from autoimmune illness. For the first time, I saw another road besides waiting in clinics, rotating medications, and running labs every three months just for protocol.
Back then, she sent me a video of a lifestyle medicine practitioner talking about the AIP diet. I followed his instructions word by word.
Three months later, my labs improved. I felt lighter. My flare-ups decreased.
That was the first moment I felt hope again.
I thought, did I just step on a gold mine? Why has no one told me this before?
At first, those three months felt endless. However, there I was, three months later, reintroducing foods and feeling just as good.
Because it was not just about food.
Acting Human Again
By taking care of what I ate, I gave my gut a break. More importantly, I made my body feel safe again. I started paying it acts of love instead of punishment.
As I immersed myself in holistic health, I embraced self-care as a priority. I learned to listen to my body cues. When something felt off, I paid attention. I understood it as my body asking me to correct course.
In 2022, I decided to become a health coach to help other women who are walking through life with little education about how our bodies respond to everyday stressors.
During my training, I learned that the body talks back. Whatever information you feed it, it responds. Sometimes you will not like the response.
And input is not just food.
It is how you carry yourself through life. Your self-talk. How you perceive your relationships. How you respond to overstimulation as a mother.
The Stress We Normalize
Looking back, I realized we are never taught how to care for our bodies under stress. We receive no preparation for the aftermath of pregnancy, labor, and breastfeeding. Let alone sleep deprivation while still having to show up for work, chores, relationships, and ourselves.
Even if you do not develop an autoimmune illness, chronic stress will show up somewhere. Depending on your genetics and environment, it may become stubborn weight, depression, a mystery illness, or emotional burnout.
As mothers, we are sold the image of being super powerful.
And yes, we are!
But only when we have support, education, and validation, when something feels off.
Motherhood is a gift. However, it also takes a toll on your health. And that requires nourishment, stress regulation tools, and emotional support.
Just like your body healed itself after birthing a baby the size of a watermelon, it can heal itself from just about anything else.
Once you give it a chance.
From One Mother to Another
If you remember one thing, let it be this. Do not let stress take a toll on you. Your body is not betraying you. It is asking you to slow down, listen, and heal.
Have advice for moms or a personal story to tell? We’d love to feature your voice on our blog! Share your experiences with us here! We’re always excited to welcome new perspectives and stories from moms like you!
