I did not choose this life.
But I chose how I would live it.
My name is Nancy, and I am 45 years old. I got engaged at 19 and married at 20. My first job was working with my husband even before our wedding, because my father was very traditional. In his world, daughters simply did not work.
When Everything Started to Shift
I spent a full year without getting pregnant, and then I had my first son, Alex. Right after he was born, the doctors told me that his blood sugar kept fluctuating and that he could not breastfeed properly. At the beginning, I kept telling myself that newborns often have some issues when they first arrive.
However, after a while, I started to notice things. Alex took so long to drink his milk. He did not smile back when I played with him, and he got startled by sounds very easily. Because I sensed something was off, I took him to several pediatricians. One of them asked for a CT scan, and we did it when he was only three months old.
Unfortunately, the report said everything was normal.
Subsequently, we kept moving from doctor to doctor, doing all kinds of scans and tests. Until finally, by coincidence, we went to a neurologist who actually looked at the CT scans himself. He told us the results were not normal and that Alex had a cyst pressing on his brain.
The Diagnosis That Changed Everything
Alex had brain surgery when he was 11 months old. A shunt was inserted, and during that surgery, we also discovered that the structure of his brain was not fully normal. But three days after the operation, Alex finally started following us with his eyes when we walked in front of him, because the cyst had been pressing on the vision center.
After that, we started Alex’s long treatment journey, including speech therapy, cognitive therapy, and physical therapy. At first, I was strong, and I kept telling myself that my problem was not the biggest in the world, because everyone has something they struggle with.
Nevertheless, I eventually entered a phase of denial.
I could not accept that this was my child.
Then came the anger.
Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
Looking back, I now understand that this was the beginning of my resilience being tested, even though I did not yet have the language for it.
When My Body Started to Break Too
As Alex grew, he became heavier, and my back started hurting. I visited orthopedic doctors, but all they said was to stop carrying him, and that painkillers would not help much. At first, I refused the idea of putting Alex in a wheelchair. I did not want to see him that way, yet my back pain continued to worsen.
My husband suggested we start going to the gym together. I did, and slowly my mental health began improving, and my back pain became more manageable.
This was not just physical healing. It was the quiet rebuilding of my resilience.
Learning to Swim, Learning to Fight
Four years later, I had my second son. I used to take both boys to the club and go down to the pool with them. However, I had a fear of deep water, so I always stayed in the kids’ pool. It was shallow, and Alex’s legs would bend awkwardly because of the height difference. So I decided to learn how to swim so I could take him safely into the main pool.
Not only did I learn to swim, but I later competed in a swimming championship and won a bronze medal. As my younger son grew up, I started taking him to his sports training, including boxing. While I waited for him, I got curious and asked the coach if I could train at the same time. I ended up training in boxing for three years.
Then I discovered CrossFit and completely fell in love with it. I trained for four years, and it helped me so much in carrying my son. In addition, I even competed and placed ninth in my age category.
Each new challenge strengthened my resilience, not only in my body but also in my mind.
When Everything Fell Apart Again
But then I developed a hiatal hernia, and I had to stop CrossFit. At the same time, I no longer felt emotionally comfortable working with my husband. I partnered with some people to run a website for three years, but as my mental health kept getting worse, I started having severe panic attacks. I did not know why, and I felt lost because I did not know which sport I could return to after the hernia, and that confusion made my depression worse.
It felt like my resilience had finally run out.
Several months ago, I made a big decision.
I left my job and became a silent partner. Then I enrolled in a Pilates diploma, got certified, and became a Pilates trainer at 45 years old. I am starting something completely new again, but this time it is something I truly love.
This, too, was resilience in action.
What This Life Has Taught Me
Today, my son is 21 years old and uses a wheelchair. This experience has been incredibly hard, yet it taught me that everyone has a struggle, each in their own way. My story is not the biggest or the hardest, but it taught me to be human, to feel for people around me, especially parents who have children like Alex.
I had two choices: either sit down and complain about my life or stand up and fight.
I chose the fight.
And through that journey, I finally learned who I really am.
Do not let the experience and the pain break you; let them be your source of strength and your path to resilience.
From One Mother to Another
If you remember one thing, let it be this. Resilience is not something you are born with; it is something you build every time you choose to keep going.
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